Category Archives: Personal

Writing Blues

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Real life continues to monopolize my time away from productive writing. I don’t know if everything I’m going through is supposed to be a challenge to that or what.

I’ve been sick for the past few days with a bad cold. I’m still getting over it. I’m hoping to get the energy and mental capacity to bring 100% to my edits. Until then, I just rest and let the medicine do its magic.

Work starts again tomorrow and I know I’m going to get pounded with work. Mostly because one coworker has left and I’ll be getting his work, plus the responsibility for looking for someone to replace him. Ugh. The trials of working for a small company. You get to wear many hats.

At least I have Doctor Who. Yes! I’m a huge Whovian. I can’t help it. The show is my balm to all my life’s trials.

I still plan on doing a Goodreads giveaway. The editing is just taking FOREVER per chapter. I suppose it’s good that it’s such a slash and burn. Something better has to come out of all that effort.

Until next update. Cheers.

HK Rowe

Character Fodder: Writing Jerks

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It’s been a frustrating September beginning. Ten days in and my edits for Killer Orange are going slow, and even though the fault is my own, I can’t take the full responsibility when real life rears its ugly head.

I have been absent from blogging because of my anxiety, a condition I have had to live with for several years. They have been less frequent since I moved over to my new job, but once in awhile panic attacks come back with a vengeance, mostly with a partner in crime – the migraine.

So I have a health excuse. My anxiety flared the moment I learned we’d have to deal with an selfish, uncaring neighbor who has let her toilet leak into our garage for over two years, something she was supposed to fix in the first place. Well, here we are, working on getting 2 years of black mold removed from above our garage. Whether or not spores have migrated into our house remains to be seen, which is another part of my anxiety of having to pay for unexpected tests that are not my fault.

Long story short, this neighbor is the WORST to deal with. She wants to fix our garage the cheapest way possible, she refuses to talk to us over the phone, and she warned us to NOT talk to her tenants that are living in her mold invested condo. Of course, the situation has escalated to barbs, yelling and name calling – and the worst is when she told my husband she had wished he had died from the mold “if he was so allergic”.

The rest of the story isn’t important. It’s a rant for another day, but it got me to wonder about characters, about how we write or imagine up despicable characters to become part of this story. Lately I’ve seen a trend of redeemable villains. I like that trend.

What I haven’t seen much in my own writing are the despicable just merely being despicable. Maybe it’s against my nature to think that some people are just terrible and have no softer side, have no love in them and are irredeemable.

Dealing with this land lady neighbor has changed my perception of that.

There’s basically nothing I can do to combat her. I can’t write my way out of this situation. There is no fiction here; there is no protagonist that can appeal to the better angels of a real life character who just happens to be a nosy, heartless cheap-ass.

I have to ride the choppy waves of dealing with this lady, and I can pray that this situation doesn’t get worse. I can hope that we will finally be done with her, and she will fix our stuff. I can hope she does something kind for once and takes responsibility for her own problems without creating ten thousand more.

Maybe I’m expecting too much from her, but feeling powerless in appealing to her better nature irks me. It pokes at the anxiety, yes, but it just aggravates me that as an adult, she can’t be reasonable.

The only thing this lady has inspired me to do is use her.

I’ve seen an article floating around, I think by Cracked, where writers have gotten their revenge on real people by using their names and personalities into their stories.

I definitely agree with this sort of coping mechanism. Some things are just out of our control in the real world, when writing lets us play a sort of god.

And on that side note, being in sales and just my personality in general, I’ve been able to talk my way out of many sticky situations before without much fallout. In this situation, it seems I can’t.

So… you crazy ass diamond neighbor lady, I hope you enjoy your reign of terror on my anxieties and energies. Someday, maybe you’ll be somewhat famous. You’ll become the terrible plot device to move my story along, the first body on the scene of the crime, or the annoying character that just had it coming from the beginning.

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It’s definitely the best solution I’ve come up with for dealing with such people.

I encourage other writers to do it (even if you haven’t already). It’s a great form of therapy.

Cheers,
H.K. Rowe

The Liebster Award

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Thanks for Aether House for nominating me! I didn’t expect this but here goes. This is my first time being nominating so I’ll try my best.

1. Do you have, or have you had, a medical condition that altered your way of life?

I have chronic migraines and panic attacks. I’ve medicated for almost a decade. It definitely stalls my ability to function sometimes. Most people are pretty understanding when I have one.

2. How would you describe your dream home?

A little suburban 2-story house away from a busy street with a big back yard, fenced in with a smattering of tall trees, somewhere where I can make an altar and do a couple gardens. Inside I’d like to have 4 bedrooms with a full basement. 3 bedrooms are for the hubby, me and kids, and the 4th bedroom will be my study. The basement is for the hubby. I’d like the yard to be big enough for all the dogs I’ll have some day. And honestly, I’d love it if I had awesome, reliable neighbors.

3. What is your favorite hobby? Why?

Probably doing fan stuff, fan fiction and fan art. It helps me escape and cope with a lot of my anxiety. I just love indulging in my favorite worlds and characters when life gets rough.

4. What piece of clothing can you not live without? 

Shoes, comfortable shoes. Probably sketchers.

5. How do you feel about marriage and having kids?

I’ve been married to my best friend and other soul half for 6 years and counting. We want kids but no more than two. I’d like to have one of each, boy and girl, but I’ll leave that up to the Divine. I never thought I’d want kids, but I would love to have little minions and experience motherhood as a sacred stage in my life.

6. What book-to-movie adaptation are you’re dying for Hollywood to make? I’m talking about books that haven’t yet been made into movies, of course (so no Mockingjay!).

I’ve always wanted them to make the Hollows series by Kim Harrison. It’s such a great urban fantasy series and sorely under-rated. I’m surprised Hollywood hasn’t snatched it up yet. I think it’s better than the Sookie Stackhouse books, and that series got an HBO series. Rachel may just be too much of a strong, independant heroine for TV/movies to handle!

7. Do you live in the moment or do you plan for the future?

A little bit of both. Probably more for the future. It’s hard to be patient though.

8. Favorite class in college? (or high school, if you didn’t go/haven’t yet gone to college)?

Writing non-fiction. I not only learned some great writing tips, but I met my husband in that class.

9. Best and worst part of attending weddings?

Best part – the food, drink, and speeches. I love hearing the stories of how people have met and how their friends feel about their spouses.

Worst part – Church. I do not like church or long ceremonies.

10. Tell me about an awkward or embarrassing moment you’ve had.

Ah, there was this one time I was messing around with one of my boyfriends and I was laughing and teasing him about my bra size and then accidentally slapped him in the teeth. Haha. Oops. I think it hurt.

My Nominees:

Leigh Michaels, Dr. Bairavee, Books A to Z, Rachel in the OC, Edgy Author, The Dog Ate What? (my sister), The Skinny Girl Inside, Rachel Zellers

My Questions:

1. Do you have any relations to any famous people or famous historical figures?

2. If you had unlimited money, what would you do with it?

3. What’s your favorite mobile app? Or most used mobile app?

4. Describe your perfect day.

5. Do you have any career regrets? Like do you wish your career was something else?

6. What book or books changed your life and why?

7. If you could be president for one week, what would you do?

8. What are your least favorite qualities in a person?

9. Favorite dessert?

10. Do you have any special projects you’re working on like writing, art, or other crafts? If so, what are you doing?

Click the cut to see  the rules and my questions to the lovely ten bloggers above!

The rules?

1) Post the Liebster Award graphic on your site (sorry, my work computer wouldn’t let me do this).
2) Thank the blogger who nominated your blog.
3) Answer the 10 questions from the post of the person who nominated them.
4) The nominee will nominate 10 (I’ve seen some rules that are 5 -10) other blogs who have less than 200 followers (I’ve seen less than 1000 too).
5) The nominee will then create 10 questions of their own for their nominated bloggers to answer in their Liebster post!

The Editing Landscape I

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I admit… I have barely touched “Killer Orange” since I got it back from my Betas. I have thought about it, and I have even raged about it. I’ve pulled out Elements of Style and reread it. I have started reading other guides on character development and writing tips.

After all that, I was fully prepared to start editing Saturday and then I decided to rest. I slept, and I started to feel very anti-social, down in the dumps and just anti-everything. Sunday I napped more, I cleaned my house, and then I went to a friend’s party. I had a friend tell me how cool it was that I published a book and how they were proud for me. 

I felt good and Blessed, but I also felt like a coward for waiting to work on my edits.

Today was Labor Day so of course I had no work. My mother and I went to the Renaissance Fair in Bristol, WI and enjoyed ourselves. I think my mom was really happy to go because I wasn’t sure I could go this year, not when I was pushing myself with getting my book out and having it be delayed anyway. Regardless, my mom was happy that she could go and wouldn’t be alone, and I felt like maybe delaying my book was meant to be. We HAD to go to RenFaire this year, and it was almost fated. Last year when we went, my father was still alive. He had stopped chemo treatments and could have a beer again. He bought my mom a big sword she really wanted. He was the happiest I’d seen him for most of the year. It was bittersweet because we knew it would be his last RenFaire yet he was so happy.

Two months later he was gone. Everything changed. 

So we had to go this year. 

Maybe I felt like this weekend was a break. I had a lot of time to reflect, and when I was feeling ill and tired, I took time for myself to relax. I utilized the true meaning of a Labor Day weekend. 

Tomorrow I have to go back to work and also, I have to go back to editing “Killer Orange.” I need to face that computer screen, open that file, and deal with reality.

If I can move on for my father, then shouldn’t I move on for myself? I’m the one who still has a chance to accomplish something. I’m the one who has to battle different fears, which are so trivial in comparison of what many people face everyday.

I’m the one who has to actually DO something instead of saying I’m going release a second book. I need to make it happen. I need to face it, and I won’t get there if I cling to fears and let the demons win.

Cheers,

H.K. Rowe

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A Learning Experience

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I’m getting more of my drafts back from my beta readers, and I feel like I still have a lot to learn about self-publishing, about deadlines and about editing and how much this process takes.

Editing is CRUCIAL, but what I’ve found that is also crucial is not to subscribe to tight deadlines UNTIL someone has read your draft. Someone other than your mother or your best friend, but someone else that you can trust tell you exactly how they feel about the story because they are experienced writers and readers.

I got a line edit back for Killer Orange and it looks like it’ll need more polish and TLC before my original release date. Am I sad? Not really. I’m cautious and thankful, and I feel a little foolish.

Am I going to make my self-imposed release on August 31st? Probably not – not with the scorch and burn editing I want to do, the submission back to a few beta readers AGAIN, and then the final polish. It’s going to take more loving care, as mentioned.

To make up for it, I’m going to do something for Unbridled. I think I’m going to do a promo during that first week of September at a lower price.

I thought it would be smooth sailing with this book, and I envy authors that can pump out three to four books a year. It boggles my mind. Of course they are probably full time writers, or at least have part time jobs. I can’t wrap my brain around it; I can only work on what works best for ME as an author.

I’ve learned a lot this past summer. I read at another blog that your first couple of books are going to suck. That your fifth book’s draft is going to suck, but it’s a journey and maybe someday I’ll learn and get to a point where I’ve hit my stride. Success for things like this do not happen over night (for those who do have such success, please tell me your secrets!). The original writing business is so SO much different than writing a mere drabble or one-shot of fanfiction for your favorite manga or TV series. There IS blood, sweat, tears, and feelings of complete self-loathing to this process.

The good thing is… I abhor self-loathing and I never dwell in such dark places within myself for too long. I’m ready pour myself a glass of wine, fire up the computer, hook up my dual monitor screens, and start slashing this baby.

But before I do that I have to finish my day job, go to my part job tonight, and attend a funeral tomorrow.

I’ll keep you posted on those upcoming promotions!

Cheers,

HK Rowe

I swear, I won’t talk about my day job here!

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Editing “Killer Orange” is going well, but the process is too slow for my tastes. Well, maybe I’m a harsh boss on myself, but I want it to be done and in my beta readers hands YESTERDAY. Does anyone have a TARDIS I can borrow?

The-TARDIS

“Blazing Heat” continues to grow, and I hate when the story is stuck in my brain ready to be typed and I can’t work on it. Time seems to be my enemy too.

The day job sucks up a lot of mental power, especially lately. I have two important UX projects with big clients, and then I have another project with a client that is prone to email chains of design changes. Fun.

Some days I stop and wonder, “Where did the time go? Am I getting older?”

More stories are coming! And I will be partaking in a Goodreads giveaway soon, and I’ll probably price Unbridled cheaper for a small amount of time when one of the other books come out.

To add to all that, I must be bonkers for consider squeezing in freelancing gigs too.

Well the family has to eat, I guess!

Until next time,

H.K. Rowe

The Story of My Macbook

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The skies are booming tonight in South Elgin. I have an anxious beagle leaning against me, ears up and listening as fireworks go off randomly. Once awhile he turns to me and looks into my eyes or licks my hand.

He’s not too keen on the noises apparently.

I’m trying to wrap up one of my short stories, but honestly, I’m anxious and a little tired. It was a rough week at work. I felt overwhelmed by numerous tasks and job roles, and sometimes I feel like I’m going through an identity crisis. The constant struggle between having ten dollars left in the bank account a week before payday and more led me to the decision to take on more part time work. I’ll probably hunt for jobs on oDesk this weekend.

At my SLA job, I told my supervisor I could take on another client. After doing so, my husband asked me when I’d have a day off. I said I wouldn’t. Because on those free nights, I’d be here, in my bedroom, writing on my Mac. Writing, writing, and more writing. Drafting too, but I count that as part of the process.

Then my thoughts wander to my Mac, how much comfort it’s given me over the years. It’s one of my most precious gifts. My husband surprised me with a Macbook Pro in 2007 on Black Friday. It ran Leopard (hey, it was cutting edge back then!) and even though he got the inexpensive version, he knew I needed it to write. He knew that if I continued to write up in my office, he’d hardly get to see me. I’m lucky I can write anywhere. Well… sometimes if the TV is too distracting I have to leave, but most of the time I can zone out into my writing, leaving the outside world behind. Ultimately, he wanted me to have a more mobile way of writing. I thank him for it.

Over the years, my Mac has become deprecated, but I still love it. I’ve had to replace a charger cord, a battery, a disk drive. I’ve added memory too. I upgraded it to Snow Leopard, and finally to Lion. It won’t go farther than that. It’s too old but that’s okay. This last winter the hard drive fried. I was really sad. We couldn’t afford another Mac; that was a luxury I didn’t have. So I shopped around for PCs. I used my work laptop for a while. Meh, it’s not the same. I’m okay with Windows 8, but there’s something about a Mac environment that I just missed.

So…looking at my funds and my options. I googled how much it would take to replace the hard drive. I searched my model on Amazon, and then I searched on YouTube (Gods Bless it!) how to replace a hard drive in a 2007 Macbook Pro. I found both! The HD was only $40! I could certainly swing that over a new computer. Plus, if I failed, I was only out forty bucks. I could still shop around for new ones. I could still use my work computer. So I got the new HD, realized I didn’t have a screw driver small enough to take the computer casing off, so husband and I headed to Home Depot and bought the tool I needed that night. (Plus, I got a new tool, so that was good!)

I spent pretty much the whole night until about 1 AM putting it together and then getting software installed. Getting the HD in didn’t take as long, but I got it in my head to put Linux and Mac on it, and out of frustration, I just used Ubuntu for a while. I…I tried to like it. For a couple of months I gave it a shot. I think the thing that wrecked it for me were the key commands. I was on a Mac and yet the key commands were just not the same.

So I started over. I installed Snow Leopard on it, and then Lion (because it was a download from the store) and yay! It’s back! Some things have changed. After awhile my Mac starts to chug and act labored. The casing gets too hot after a while. And my vast iTunes library is gone. I mean, it’s not gone. I brought back the Time machine files, but not everything was perfectly restored. Frankly, I’m keeping things light on my old friend. I’m using her for writing and net surfing and that’s about it. I installed Gimp and LibreOffice, but other than that, I use it mostly with Chrome. It works well enough.

And I got my old friend back. Here’s hoping the old girl gets me through a few more stories down the way. Cheers, H.K. Rowe

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Current Writing Challenges

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Greta Garbo knows it

Greta Garbo knows it

Lately I’ve been squeezing every free hour into writing, and so far it’s been very challenging. There are other factors, of course, and it’s been hard to catch up with things that were neglected while I was on my trip.

Some of the challenges are more obvious, like Time and Motivation, which are suffering because circumstances in this month are just eating them away.

I’m getting kind of tired of trying to navigate personal problems in order to find time for myself. I’m not sure I’ve figured out how to do that yet. I feel like a majority of my personal problems are from other people influencing me. I kind of wish I had the capability of shutting myself into my studio office at home and blocking out all the distractions, of needy dogs, a hungry husband, and friends and family constantly needing counseling.

Where’s my moment of solitary respite? When can I actually be rewarded with some kind of personal time for myself that everyone will understand that I need as a writer (and as an introspective thinker) and not act panicked or insulted when I say “No, I can’t” when they need me.

I have been failing at that, I suppose. It’s a learning process. I’m determined to make it work though. When I start to feel that my passion for writing is faltering, I know it’s not the passion itself but the frustration of seeing it just within my grasp and never being able to hold on to it.

The ideas are swirling around. My characters are calling to me, pretty much shouting in my ear. I’m listening but I feel like I’m stuck in cement.

And for once it’s not work that’s keeping me down. At least that is a refreshing constant.

Always,

H.K. Rowe

Back from Vacation

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Love-Philly

I’m back from a vacation in Philadelphia with girlfriends that was desperately needed and appreciated. I spent a lot of time relaxing, sight seeing, drinking wine, going out with friends, and enjoying not having anything expected of me for four days.

I came back to a clean house thanks to the husband, naughty dogs who missed me, and a feeling of renewal to get back to my life. I think the reprieve gave me some time to ponder over a lot of things I have been stuck on in the past few months.

The support for Unbridled was appreciated and I am grateful, but it’s time to move on to the next adventure. I’ve already started a short story and now with the vacation behind me, I can get back to the grind.

I have a busy month coming up, and I will be fighting for free writing time anywhere I can.

Until then, please enjoy Unbridled, and I will be posting some other story excerpts soon.

Cheers,

H.K. Rowe

 

Vacation & Writing

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Going on vacation in Philly starting Thursday. Of coure things are crazy up until I finally get on that plane, but I’m hoping to keep things in order.

I just hope to any god or goddess that will listen that this vacation renews my writing spirit because lately I’ve struggled so much with it.

Too many stories started with some sluggish in between times and endings in the far off distance. Ah, the worries and struggles of a writer.

Until next time,

H.K. Rowe