I admit… I have barely touched “Killer Orange” since I got it back from my Betas. I have thought about it, and I have even raged about it. I’ve pulled out Elements of Style and reread it. I have started reading other guides on character development and writing tips.
After all that, I was fully prepared to start editing Saturday and then I decided to rest. I slept, and I started to feel very anti-social, down in the dumps and just anti-everything. Sunday I napped more, I cleaned my house, and then I went to a friend’s party. I had a friend tell me how cool it was that I published a book and how they were proud for me.
I felt good and Blessed, but I also felt like a coward for waiting to work on my edits.
Today was Labor Day so of course I had no work. My mother and I went to the Renaissance Fair in Bristol, WI and enjoyed ourselves. I think my mom was really happy to go because I wasn’t sure I could go this year, not when I was pushing myself with getting my book out and having it be delayed anyway. Regardless, my mom was happy that she could go and wouldn’t be alone, and I felt like maybe delaying my book was meant to be. We HAD to go to RenFaire this year, and it was almost fated. Last year when we went, my father was still alive. He had stopped chemo treatments and could have a beer again. He bought my mom a big sword she really wanted. He was the happiest I’d seen him for most of the year. It was bittersweet because we knew it would be his last RenFaire yet he was so happy.
Two months later he was gone. Everything changed.
So we had to go this year.
Maybe I felt like this weekend was a break. I had a lot of time to reflect, and when I was feeling ill and tired, I took time for myself to relax. I utilized the true meaning of a Labor Day weekend.
Tomorrow I have to go back to work and also, I have to go back to editing “Killer Orange.” I need to face that computer screen, open that file, and deal with reality.
If I can move on for my father, then shouldn’t I move on for myself? I’m the one who still has a chance to accomplish something. I’m the one who has to battle different fears, which are so trivial in comparison of what many people face everyday.
I’m the one who has to actually DO something instead of saying I’m going release a second book. I need to make it happen. I need to face it, and I won’t get there if I cling to fears and let the demons win.