I admit… I have barely touched “Killer Orange” since I got it back from my Betas. I have thought about it, and I have even raged about it. I’ve pulled out Elements of Style and reread it. I have started reading other guides on character development and writing tips.
After all that, I was fully prepared to start editing Saturday and then I decided to rest. I slept, and I started to feel very anti-social, down in the dumps and just anti-everything. Sunday I napped more, I cleaned my house, and then I went to a friend’s party. I had a friend tell me how cool it was that I published a book and how they were proud for me.
I felt good and Blessed, but I also felt like a coward for waiting to work on my edits.
Today was Labor Day so of course I had no work. My mother and I went to the Renaissance Fair in Bristol, WI and enjoyed ourselves. I think my mom was really happy to go because I wasn’t sure I could go this year, not when I was pushing myself with getting my book out and having it be delayed anyway. Regardless, my mom was happy that she could go and wouldn’t be alone, and I felt like maybe delaying my book was meant to be. We HAD to go to RenFaire this year, and it was almost fated. Last year when we went, my father was still alive. He had stopped chemo treatments and could have a beer again. He bought my mom a big sword she really wanted. He was the happiest I’d seen him for most of the year. It was bittersweet because we knew it would be his last RenFaire yet he was so happy.
Two months later he was gone. Everything changed.
So we had to go this year.
Maybe I felt like this weekend was a break. I had a lot of time to reflect, and when I was feeling ill and tired, I took time for myself to relax. I utilized the true meaning of a Labor Day weekend.
Tomorrow I have to go back to work and also, I have to go back to editing “Killer Orange.” I need to face that computer screen, open that file, and deal with reality.
If I can move on for my father, then shouldn’t I move on for myself? I’m the one who still has a chance to accomplish something. I’m the one who has to battle different fears, which are so trivial in comparison of what many people face everyday.
I’m the one who has to actually DO something instead of saying I’m going release a second book. I need to make it happen. I need to face it, and I won’t get there if I cling to fears and let the demons win.
Cheers,
H.K. Rowe
H.K. Rowe 
Sorry about your father :-(. HUGS.
WHY is it that sometimes it can be so much easier to do something for someone else than for ourselves? I don’t know… probably never will. But I know this… if you need to be doing it for your dad for now in order to get your motivation back, then do that. The doing it for yourself will come, in time.
I expect to come back tomorrow night and ready that you have attacked those edits ;-).
Thank you! You are right it is much harder doing things for myself. I just need to get that one chapter started…
You can do it! I have faith in you!
I’m in the same boat right now – I’ve been putting off editing. I’ve been feeling like a mopey homebody. But I think that week of rest was really beneficial. Sometimes you get burnt out. Sometimes you just need to listen to your brain when it wants to chill. Today, I feel like I’ve almost got the mojo back, and I’m ready to start working again tonight 🙂 Hope it works out well for you too!
Thank you! Yeah, definitely feeling mopey. Bah. We’ll get through it!
It’s good to know when we need a break, and also when we really need to push ourselves. Best of luck finding the motivation to work on KILLER ORANGE!