When you can’t be everywhere

Creative State of Mind

As authors, we often hear about the importance of social media. We’re supposed to establish a presence on Facebook, Twitter, Google+, Tsu, Pinterest, Tumblr, Reddit, and other sites I probably have never heard of. Overwhelmed yet? I am. The idea of being in all these places is daunting, especially if you’re new to social media and are still trying to find your way around.

In addition to being told we need to have a profile set up on all the platforms listed above, we’re also told we’re supposed to have a snazzy website. We’re instructed to blog X number of times every week and to engage with other bloggers. We have to Tweet X number of times per day, but not too many Tweets about our books, or we’ll run the risk of being labeled “spammers.” YA authors are encouraged to be active on Wattpad. And in addition to all the social…

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#MondayBlogs – Fear is a Health Fuel

“My ‘fear’ is my substance, and probably the best part of me.”

– Franz Kafka


For about a few weeks, I had been living in thoughts fueled by fear. It was an old fear, one that I had already faced, buried deep, and moved on. Unfortunately, I had to face it again. It was unavoidable, and if I didn’t face it head on, I knew that many people would have suffered. My fear had light. It had substance, and the only way I could face it again – back from the dead – was to speak my story, under oath and on record.

Without going into the depths of this litagation process I had to endure, I was able to survive it. I face it head on. I had people at my back, encouraging and supporting me. I had people’s faith, love, and warmth surrounding me. I had power, from my Creator, and from my own just ideals. I knew I had goodness and truth on my side.

I can’t lie; it was scary. I was afraid for days leading up to it, and I was afraid in minutes that carried on through it. I was afraid, but I had to speak up and tell my story.

The scariest part came afterward when it was done. You’d think once it was over and I made my deposition that I could sigh in relief. I could not. Fear was still in its raw form, whispering things in my ear, filling my bones with uncertainty and future ordeals. I could not be comfortable. I worried, I fretted, and I thought of the worst to come – all products of this fear.

It’s such an unpredictable energy, one difficult to harness. It left me immobilized some time after it happened. I had reassurance from my loved ones, but I was not appeased.

The fear that had been sleeping had resurged with new life.

I wish I could say I woke up the next morning feeling better, that all was behind me, but the fear still stays like a sleeping dragon.

How can I use this fear into something good? How can I take such dark energy and transform it?

I’ve been reading a lot of books that deal with a woman’s journey to the Underworld. Most of these books are philosophical as well as spiritual based, but I find they have a lot of merit.

I need to travel to my own underworld and face my fears. I need to strip all that is worldly, all that does me no good, and leave it as a pile of clothes, ashes and debris at my feet. I need to strip even the things that are important and find just me – my whole self, not just a body, but the essence of me, and find a way to transform myself, to take the bad and leave it behind, and be reborn into something new.

The New Moon is just that time. It has passed weeks ago, but now the chaotic energy of reflection, of my own darkness, is a chance – a new chance to move on and begin new things.

The old fears still sing with residual energy, but I know what’s waiting for me, what I have ahead of me and what I need to achieve. I can let fear consume me and do nothing. I can “give up” and I can let it cripple me, or I can face it. I can USE it.

That energy, as fickle as it is, is entirely mine. It is in my head, my bones – like fuel, and I can use it to overcome. It is a motivation point. It does not serve me as a monstrosity to steal my energy and leave me vulnerable.

But it can define me as someone who takes fear and rises above it – Uses it to stomp through my own doubts and demons and prove myself wrong.

My fear is fuel. It’s daring me to be better, to change it, to transform into someone else. My fear leads me into the Underworld of my own darkness.

And I’m the only one that can use it, break it as it encases me, and strip the energy and change it to something else. It’s only up to me to come from my journey from the Underworld back into this world ready for change.

I’m ready for the next journey. If Fear is my companion, then it only makes me stronger to fight harder. Nobody can do that to me. I only have myself.

END

HK Rowe

No. I’m not dead.

So the month of March turned our to be my own personal tornado. I basically got nothing done for myself thanks to the whirlwind that is my personal life. Not only that, I had some huge demands at my full time job so free time took a backseat.

It was stressful. I’m not going to go into it in details because most of it I don’t want to relive, but here’s what really bogged me up:

– I had to make a deposition for a lawsuit concerning an old workplace of mine. It stressed me out so badly my anxiety came back. I had bad dreams because of it and some depression, so what else do I do to combat that? Binge watch TV shows, read a lot, sleep and spend time with my #1 fan, my hubby. And my dogs.

– I had to prepare for a Meet Up presentation for work. It had to be about an hour long. I had to do a LOT of research, writing, and compiling. I had help from a coworker but most of the meat and potatoes of it was mine. I was stressed about that too. But… it went well.

– Trade shows. I had a trade show to go to for work, which meant I had to catch up with my regular work at night. So I barely got much sleep.

– Family stuff. My mom’s birthday, going through my grandma’s stuff because she’s now at a nursing home and we’re selling her house, and a cousin’s party.

– Food poisoning. I got pretty ill off something… and I was pretty much sick and had no appetite for a week. It sucked.

I don’t know what happened to March but that was where the majority of it went. I’ve been exhausted most of the month and I crashed when I had free time.

Now April is coming, and so is Camp NaNoWriMo so I’m hoping to be back in the swing of writing. I’m also gathering editors/beta readers to help me out since the one editor I was emailing fell off the face of the earth and stopped contacting me. Hrmm.

I hope everyone is well. Sorry for the absence. I will be catching up with all your posts soon.

Cheers,

H.K. Rowe

#MondayBlogs – Goal Setting

I love how Monday rolls around and I get this strange motivation that the beginning of a week will be different than all those other “failure” weeks. I have this confidence that if I was able to drag myself out of bed at 6 am and work out to a particularly hard Jillian Michaels video, then I can conquer the world.

Today was no different. I woke up in a really good mood. I got 30 minutes of intense work out in, and I made my lunch and fixed my breakfast, and I had minutes to spare before my husband got ready to carpool to work.

I arrived at work feeling READY. I tasked out all the things I had to catch up on, and I made a plan. As usual, most of my work was done in the AM, and now I’m working on my goals for the evening.

If I’m this productive in the day, hey, why don’t I try that schedule again? Meaning – it’s a new week, I will go back to trying to work at an art/creative schedule after work.

I grabbed the post-its and opened my calendar and laid it out.

GOALS PER DAY:

– 30 minute morning workout

– 1 drawing/sketch

– 1 hour of editing/writing or 500 words of writing

– 15 minutes of yoga/meditation

– stay under 1500 calories

Seems doable right? But there’s always this underlying fear in the back of my mind that something is going to trip it out. Murphy’s Law has put a target on my back. The shotgun is ready, and he’s already digging pitfalls for me to encounter during my perfectly pristine week of simple goals.

Maybe I have time to still fill those goals in barring any trip ups. Maybe I have nothing to worry about.

But I made a pact with myself, and I’m the person that I can let down. Let’s see what happens.

I always bet on myself.

Cheers,

H.K. Rowe

Hello, March!

*waves*

I have such a busy personal life. It’s been really hard to juggle things, and I’m dealing with a lot of stress lately. But the good news is I AM writing again. Even if it’s not much, just fan stuff and outlines, and sometimes nonfiction and poetry stuff. But I’m WRITING, so I guess that’s something.

I have lots of plans for Killer Orange and editing a second edition of Unbridled. I’m working on sifting through a series I started about grim reapers. I found some old outlines that might be good novellas someday. I’m hoping something comes together soon.

Until then I have March to contend with. I have a lot going on personally, some of it scary some of it wonderful. I’m hoping work goes better lately and I’m able to have some sales. I’m working my butt off so here’s hoping I see results.

I hope everyone is doing well. I will try to catch up with posts as best I can.

Cheers,

H.K. Rowe